Have you hugged your lawyer today?

Classic lawyer jokes





What do you call a lawyer with an I. Q. of 50?


Your honor.


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What do you call a lawyer whose gone bad?


Senator.


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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?


You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!


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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?


A good start!


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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?


His lips are moving.


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What's the difference between a dead dog and a dead lawyer in the road?


There are skid marks in front of the dog.


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How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?


Depends on how thin you slice them.


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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?


Professional courtesy.


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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?


Not enough sand.


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When lawyers die, why are they buried in a hole 24 feet deep?


Because down deep, they are all nice guys!!!!


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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?


Cut the rope.


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How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?


Shoot him before he hits the water.


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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?


When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.


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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?


There was an empty seat.


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How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?


Never enough.


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Have you heard about the lawyers word processor?


No matter what font you select, everything come out in fine print.


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What's the difference between a porcupine and two lawyers in a Porsche?


With a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside!


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What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School?


A lobotomy.


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What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?


One's a bottom-crawling scum sucker and the other's just a fish.


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Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?


He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.


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What does a lawyer and a sperm have in common?


Both have about a one in 3 million chance of becoming a human being.


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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?


From chasing parked ambulances.


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Where can you find a good lawyer?


In the cemetery


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What do lawyers use as contraceptives?


Their personalities.


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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?


The lawyer charges more.


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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?


A vampire only sucks blood at night.


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What is brown and black and looks good on a lawyer?


A doberman.


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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?


When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.


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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?


Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.


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Why did the post office recall the new lawyer stamps?


Because people could not tell which side to spit on.


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Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?


It's called, Sosumi.


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Did you hear about the lawyer from Texas who was so big when he died that they couldn't find a coffin big enough to hold the body?


They gave him an enema and buried him in a shoebox.


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Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?


The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.


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What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?


About three pounds, including the urn.


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Have you hugged your lawyer today?
That's a lot of lawyer jokes. Funny though. I used to work for one, and they're *** holes for sure.
Reply:i feel so sorry for all of the lawyers in the world. they have no friends.














hilarious!
Reply:*--... Wow! .. how long did it take you to type ALL of that? ...lol ... they were worth the type, thats for sure! ...--*
Reply:those r good have a star
Reply:hmmm.... let me take a guess. You don't like lawyers? Some of those were really funny though.
Reply:that's why we called them lawyers instead of highers..LOL



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